


Numb

by sunflow_rs



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Muggle, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Tree, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Marauders' Era, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter Friendship, Sad Sirius Black, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship, Soulmates, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-02-16 23:31:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13064460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflow_rs/pseuds/sunflow_rs
Summary: It made Sirius wonder when his own light, heavy in his heart, would show. It made him wonder if his soulmate would be accepted by his traditionally strict family.





	1. Sirius Orion Black

It was nearly Christmas, yet unlike the other shoppers fervently rushing about trying to catch the last of the sales, Sirius hated the holiday. Christmas for him was only a long, insufferable time away from school and his friends in order to celebrate with his traditional, snobby family. The Blacks were barely festive, the minimalistic red and green decor in their manor only for show on Christmas when the whole family had a feast. 

“What do you boys want for Christmas?” Walburga, Sirius’ mother, asked. Her lips seemed to be stuck constantly in a sour pout, the deep red of her lipstick harsh against her powdered face. 

Sirius just shrugged. There wasn't any point in asking for what he truly wanted (a record player, a Queen album, a decent motorbike helmet) as he knew that the presents under the tree would be the same as what he got last year. Dress shoes for his prestigious boarding school, maybe even some socks or shoe polish if he was lucky.

“I would love an Oscar Wilde novel, mother.” Regulus, his younger brother, spoke up. 

Sirius rolled his eyes discreetly at his mother becoming more tense and agitated. “Oscar Wilde?” Her tone was harsh, and Sirius subconsciously placed a protective hand on Regulus’ arm. “Wasn’t he that queer? The author who was thrown in jail for his light appearing because of another man?”

“Yes, but…” Sirius shook his head and Regulus stopped talking. 

“In my opinion they should have kept the law that criminalised homosexuals, don't you agree Orion?” She turned to her husband. 

Despite being a few centimetres shorter than his wife he seemed taller. His posture was perfect and likewise with the moustache curled over his upper lip. Sirius looked down at his shoes as his father nodded and continued the conversation with his wife. This was one of the many reasons the seventeen year-old hated this time of year. It meant family and in his case, family meant upholding archaic values and beliefs that were discriminatory and oppressive. Values and beliefs that went against people he cared about, his friends and even himself. 

One of his best friends, Marlene, had a wonderful relationship with another girl and her and Dorcas didn't do any damage to society. Marlene and Dorcas were soulmates, the two having met at boarding school after their light nearly blinded the students around them. Thinking of that moment made Sirius wonder when his own light, heavy in his heart, would show. It made him wonder whether the person would be accepted by his strict family.

“Who do we have left?” Orion muttered, looking at the list Walburga handed him. “Our nieces. Have we got something for Andromeda?”

“No.” Walburga said sharply. “And we’re not going to.”

Sirius exchanged a glance with his brother. Andromeda was his favourite cousin, he briefly wondered what had happened to her until he heard his name brought into the conversation.

“We ought to get Sirius a haircut while we’re out. Look at it, its appalling.” Walburga said, gesturing towards him with her pen.

“I don’t want it cut. I like it this length.” Sirius touched the black locks. His hair was hardly that long, only reaching just under his earlobes and he preferred it to the closely cropped look his brother sported. 

“It wasn't an option.” Walburga glared at Sirius, and he knew that if they were at home rather than in public he would have received a slap for back chatting like that.

“It will probably be really busy.” Regulus said, and Sirius sent a grateful expression his way. “Christmas rush and all.”

Walburga and Orion couldn’t refute that, the Christmas rush was evident all around them. The mall was full of people doing last minute shopping, frantic expressions as they hurried to get what they needed before someone else did. Sirius experienced the bustle firsthand when someone rushed into him, knocking him to the floor. 

“I’m so s-” 

The boy couldn’t finish his sentence and Sirius couldn’t speak either. It seemed that the collision had touched his heart, literally. Light was spilling from their chests, the golden glow seeming to struggle to reach each other. Sirius was breathless. He didn't realise how beautiful the light would be when it was his and his soulmate’s. It shone onto the other boy’s face, making his blonde hair seem iridescent, and the freckles on his face like constellations. Sirius’ soulmate was beautiful.

“Sirius Orion Black.” Walburga’s voice cut through the light and the beauty, its sharp glinting edge making her eldest son gulp as he struggled to his feet. 

He had forgotten she was there. He had forgotten that everyone was there, in a large mall surrounded by Christmas shoppers. All that had mattered was his soulmate but now, in place of the warmth the light had given, he was filled with a cold dread. He shivered, goosebumps raised under his heavy coat, yet sweat dripped down his neck.

“Sirius is not a… homosexual. You are not soulmates.” She said, her lips pursed and her grey eyes like hard ice. “My son is not a… A freak. A faggot.” Walburga spat the last word, placing her hand on Sirius’ shoulder and digging in tightly as if they were talons. He felt as if it was his heart being constrained and not just his shoulder. 

Sirius was pushed harshly through the crowd by his mother. Numb. He strained for one last glimpse of his soulmate, capturing tear-filled green eyes in his gaze before he was pushed out into the cold London streets. Snow, unusual for this time in December, fell in wisps landing on his shoulders and in his hair. He didn't register any of it, didn't hear what his parents were yelling as he was forced into their car. 

Later, with a cut through his eyebrow and multiple bruises, Sirius wondered if he would ever see his soulmate again.


	2. Remus John Lupin

Remus stared blankly at the wrapping paper covering his floor. Sellotape was stuck to his leg, ready to be peeled off for use in finishing the last of his presents. He didn't have the energy to do anything, let alone prepare for a holiday that usually brought joy to him. Sighing, Remus took his glasses off and cleaned them with the hem of his shirt. Checking his phone for what seemed to be the millionth time that afternoon, he was pleased to see a reply from his best friend, Lily. 

_Today 3:42 PM  
To Lily: I just met my soulmate..._

_Today 5:39 PM  
To Remus: WHAT!! How did it go????????!_

Lily had met her soulmate in their fourth year of Beauxbatons High when the football team of Hogwarts’ Boarding Academy had been for an exchange. After standing up to a Hogwarts player for bullying the mentally insane Severus Snape, Lily’s light revealed itself. The bully, James Potter, was her soulmate. Suffice to say, it took a long time for the two to start dating however when they eventually did Remus could tell they were made for each other. 

Placing the glasses back on his nose, he ran a frustrated hand through his blonde hair. He had never expected the meeting of his soulmate to be even more horrific than Lily’s. Remus found himself angry more than any other emotion. What right did Sirius Orion Black’s family have to determine that they weren’t soulmates? None. His soulmate had seemed so terrified, yet simultaneously void of emotion. That was more terrifying than his parents’ reaction; he had obviously been through similar before. 

“Hey.” Remus spoke, phone on speaker as he struggled to finish the wrapping. His fingers were shaking and it ripped, causing profanities to slip from his mouth. 

“Remus!” Lily exclaimed, no doubt beaming for her best friend. Then her tone turned serious. “You don’t sound happy. What’s wrong?”

“It didn’t go well, Lils.” Remus’ voice dropped to a somber tone. He hadn’t even told his parents yet, the experience only being too painful to relive. Besides, he doubted his mum and dad would understand. It would be yet another thing to add to the list of reasons for sympathy, his facial scars being number one. 

“No? Oh Remus, I’m so sorry.”

He choked back a sob. “It was horrible. He was with his parents and, Lily, they called him the f word and said we weren’t soulmates. Said that he wasn’t a ‘homosexual’.”

“Oh babe, that is horrible.” Lily spoke with such genuity and kindness that was hard to not feel better. “I’m currently at James’ but that isn’t too far from your house. Why don’t you come over? He’s having a Christmas party tonight but we can cry together and eat chocolate first.”

“That sounds like the perfect remedy. Thank you.” Remus wiped his nose with the back of his hand and kicked the roll of wrapping paper with his sock covered foot. 

“No problem, Rem.” She blew kisses through the phone and then ended the call, leaving Remus staring dejectedly at the ripped paper covered with happy snowmen. Now he had significantly more hope than before and the promise of a shoulder to cry on and chocolate to get fat from. 

It didn’t take long for Remus to get ready. The red around his eyes was past covering up so he made do with the thick frames of his glasses hopefully hiding the worst. He pulled on his ugliest, most comfortable Christmas sweater and his worn pair of Converses before biking the short distance to the Potters’. 

Their house was neatly kept, with trimmed hedges covered with a small dusting of snow that was already melting. The white powder crunched under Remus’ feet as he walked to the front door, hands frozen from clutching the handle bars despite wearing gloves. His breath was visible in the frigid air as he cupped his hands and blew on them in hopes to get the circulation going. He hoped that wherever his soulmate was, they also had somewhere to go that was safe and happy.

“Remus!” Lily opened the door before he had time to knock, engulfing him in a big hug that warmed him inside and out. “Quickly, get in. You’re frozen.”

Remus stepped into the house, the scent of pine and hot chocolate immediately hitting him. A fire blazed over a stone hearth in the living room and a Christmas tree, decorated strictly with red, silver and white, stood proud and tall. The house was warm and happy, the exact opposite of both the weather and Remus.

“Just how you like it.” Lily said, pushing a warm mug into his hands as they took a seat on a brown leather couch. “Dark hot chocolate with mini marshmallows.”

“Thank you.” Remus replied softly, leaning his head onto his friend’s shoulder. He waited a moment before asking what had been on his mind since the incident at the mall. “Do you think I’ll ever find my soulmate again?”

“Of course!” Lily said, pushing long red locks over her shoulder. “You’re meant to be with each other. His parents can’t take that away, no matter how hard they try.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“Of course I am. Here.” she pressed a square of chocolate into his hand. “Eat, you’ll feel better.”

Remus chewed the treat carefully, savouring the flavour of the bitter combined with sweet. “Speaking of soulmates, where’s yours?”

“He went to get alcohol for the party.” She rolled her eyes. “Are you going to stay for it?”

“Depends.” Remus muttered, taking a small sip of his drink. “Who’s going?”

“James’ friends from Hogwarts mostly. You know a few I think.” Lily paused, attempting to think of their names. “Uhh you met Frank Longbottom and his girlfriend, Alice? And also that lesbian couple? They’re coming.”

“You mean Dorcas and Marlene?” Remus said, nodding. “Yeah, I might stay.”

Lily smiled softly. Her green eyes sparkling, whether from the reflection of the fire or tears, Remus couldn’t tell. “Don’t be sad. When you’re sad you make me sad. Now, let’s watch ‘Love Actually.’ As much as you deny it, I know you love that movie.”

Remus woke, a few hours later, to a knock on the door. He blearily heard thundering on the stairs and figured James or Lily was answering it. Shrugging the blanket off from around his shoulders, he carried the mugs to the kitchen and rinsed them in the sink. He felt tired and sad and wanted nothing more than to wrap himself back in blankets and sleep, however the snow had started up again outside and a bike ride wouldn’t be safe. A party with strangers was the only option. 

If his life was anything like the sappy Christmas movie he had fallen asleep during, then he would find his soulmate. Even if they both spoke different languages or one was the newly elected Prime Minister of the UK.

“Holy crap. I swear to God I’m going to kill them. What happened this time, Sirius?” He heard from the foyer, and his eyebrows furrowed. The name sounded familiar but in his drunken like sleepy state couldn’t figure it out. 

“I left Jamie. I’m done. I can’t live with them anymore.”

“Come to the kitchen. We have a first aid kit.” James spoke, his voice louder this time as he walked in closer proximity. Remus didn't think he had ever heard Lily’s soulmate sound so gentle.

“Hey dude.” James said when he saw him. “Lily said you were here. Can you please pass one of the cloths in the - yeah that cupboard. Thank you.”

Remus watched as James methodically dampened the cloth and retrieved a kit from under the sink. It seemed like a familiar process to the football player. He wondered briefly who was injured until the person entered through the open double doors. Curly black hair pushed back revealed a bruised and cut face that, despite the injuries, was very much a person that Remus couldn’t forget. The numb grey eyes said it all. 

“Sirius Orion Black?” Remus breathed, and the boy looked up, eyes widening. 

“Wait you’re...” Sirius seemed stuck on words, as James gingerly pressed the cloth to a gash above the boy’s eyebrow. 

“Yeah.” Remus had found him. Lily was right. Maybe his soulmate story did have an ending that ‘Love Actually’ would be proud of. “Did your parents do that to you?”

Sirius nodded stiffly, hissing in pain as James cleaned the wounds and stuck on steristrips. “This and more.”

“I’m so sorry. If I hadn’t of been at the mall...” 

Sirius shook his head. “This has been happening for a long time, long before they found out my soulmate was a guy.”

“Wait.” James took that moment to speak. “Remus is your soulmate?”

“So that’s his name.” Sirius smirked, standing from the barstool and walking over to Remus. James disappeared somewhere out the door, most likely finding Lily to tell her the good news. 

Remus blushed, suddenly painfully aware of the highly sequinned and hideous jumper he was wearing. “Remus John Lupin. Figured it’s only fair you get the full name too.”

Sirius laughed, only a few centimetres between the two of them. Remus reached out and tentatively stroked the bruise on his soulmate’s jaw. 

“Do they do this to you often?”

Adverting his eyes downward, the other boy nodded slowly. Remus cupped his cheek, lifting his head gently so he could see those beautiful eyes, once numb to the world but now gleaming with newfound hope and love. Slowly, Sirius leant forward and their lips met, tentatively at first and awkward, as first kisses should be, but then with feeling and almost a familiarity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the first chapter being so sad, here's my apology in the form of a happy ending! Happy Christmas/What holiday you celebrate. If this chapter sucks then I am sorry, it was written at 12:30 in the morning.

**Author's Note:**

> Just a sad story for Christmas. You're welcome! If you enjoyed and want me to write a second chapter (a happy one) then comment and kudos! :D


End file.
